Decades of Dealing

Because I am trying to post everyday I have taken to reading from my journals for inspiration.  You know what?  I have been writing about and asking God for the same things for a long time.  He answers the prayers, but then I fall into the same patterns again.  If you didn't read the dates on my entries you would think it was from the same time period, most likely from this week, but nah, it spans the last 3 decades.  This could have something to do with the fact that I have been having babies for 20 years and I am stuck in some crazy remake of the movie "Groundhog's Day" Toddler Edition or that the same frustrations, the same tendencies rear their heads in my life again and again.  I believe that there has been improvement and that I don't stay as long in the issues that plague me before I ask for help or move forward, but there is no mistake they are there and still the same.  The same struggles, the same sin, the same unbelief, the same victories, the same repentance, the same celebrations.  Maybe this says something about my immaturity and that my walk with God is not what it should be or maybe it's just the trajectory of a normal life.  Maybe it doesn't shoot straight up or even have a steady consistent curved ascent.  Maybe it's that we take 3 steps up the staircase of life and one step back down as we fight the battle, the boredom, the unbelief, and then we take another 3 steps up.  Maybe life is more like a sine wave where we praise God from the spiritual mountain tops and ask where he is in the valley and beg to catch a glimpse of him. Where we get dinner on the table and the laundry washed, folded and realize we haven't showered in over 3 days.  Where we think we have it all together because our kid is wearing matching socks and then we see the mom on Instagram who is dressing her toddler in freaking white clothes.  (Really, white?  Are you even a human?) Anyway, my point is that I am working for progress not perfection.  And maybe this sudden realization that I keep dealing with the same crap despite the decade can lend me some insight in how to deal even more quickly and get back on top of the waves or a bit further up the staircase.