Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Little Community Service

I am a believer in community service. For our family it's getting involved in ministry but for those of you who don't hold religious beliefs I still encourage you to go out and make a difference. I personally feel that God has led me to work with teenage mothers and today I think I began an outreach for prevention with teenage boys as well. Here's how it went down...

I woke this morning with a horrible headache and cramps and wanted more than anything to climb back in bed and sleep. With three kids three and under at home, I'm sure you know - not a possibility. So I did what every mom with young children does when ill, turn on the boob tube and let them eat whatever they want. Vance went down for his nap and my sitting on the couch turned to laying with eyes closed. Keely, the two year old, came up to "snuggle" but began kicking me in the face, jumping on me, and sticking fingers up my nostrils. After trying to shoo her like an annoying fly didn't work, I sat up to notice she was naked. "Get your pajamas back on and come lay with mommy." Surprisingly she listened. Vance down for at least an hour and a half, Ryleigh quietly eating as many cookies as she wants, and Keely, the trouble maker, laying right beside me. This is fantastic! I dozed with my little one, as Dora the Explorer provided the mood music, only to wake when Ryleigh opened the back door. "Shut the door," I said. "But Keely is outside," she replied. She's right, she isn't beside me anymore. Crap. The little dog is missing too. Crap.

So here I go outside shouting for the MIA twosome. My attire consisted of flannel pajama pants, hair far from tame in a semi-ponytail, face broken out again like a ProActiv commercial, black mascara under my eyes from the previous day, imitation Uggs with one pant leg tucked inside, and the ugliest sweatshirt I own. They aren't out back. As I circle the house there she is in her two-toned pink footed pajamas trying to lift up the knocked over trashcan that's three times her size. Cali the 2 pound teacup poodle is verbally assaulting the neighbor with her yipping and with every step I take towards her she runs closer to him and his 4 dogs. Ryleigh has come out to assist in the hunt wearing capris, a bathing suit top, and her Cinderella dress-up shoes (at this time of day the temperature was in the low 50's). Keely turns around and her pajamas are completely unzipped revealing that she is at the moment, anti-panties and anti-diaper.

I know you are thinking, "you lost me with the community service thing". Well the witness to this fiasco, is my teenage neighbor. I'm apologizing profusely between yelling for the girls to get in the house or at least zip up the show and at the dog to come. I resort to desperately pleading to the evil spawn I call a dog so the guy can pass through his gate. He says nothing, nothing at all. Awkward. I think he's scared. He just looks at me and then the girls who have both fallen on the ground trying to erect the can, and goes into his yard as soon as I have detained the micro Kujo. As I pick up with one hand the semi-streaker, the yapping dog in the other and turn to walk the crew back in the house I thought if this had been on film right now the caption that would appear across our backs would be "Trojan...wrap your willy or this could be you."

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

5 comments:

Tonya said...

OK, now that's hilarious too! So, if someone pops over from my blog, they will see TWO very very funny posts. Good job! :-)

Hey, the Bergeron's and Keith and Claudia will be here for lunch tomorrow. Want to come over??

Faith said...

Omgsh, I have to say, this is just too funny. You are hilarious sis, I love ya.

MichelewithoneL said...

Erica, you rock. I didn't even get all the way through the entry but just seeing the words boob tube, semi-ponytail, and shouting were enough to make me teary. I miss you terribly, friend.

Rebecca said...

This story is MUCH funnier with the public service announcement at the end!

Now you have my blog link. :) Rebecca

Kari said...

that was great!!!!