Friday, December 5, 2008

There's Something in the Air

Yesterday afternoon the CallerID showed the children's school calling. First thought...crap, what's this about? Second thought....maybe I should just let the machine get it. No, I will buck-up and answer, I figure I will have to deal now or later, no time like the present. It was Jace's teacher....oh no.

"Mrs. B., I was calling to ask if Jace might have some stomach troubles."
Believe it or not I had this same call last year, so I know what this is regarding.
My reply is a simple "No" since I don't want to go there if I don't have to, maybe my initial thought is incorrect. At least I hope.
"Well, we've been having some issues with Jace passing gas. It is beginning to disrupt the whole class." Okay I have to go there. "Jace is a very gassy kid, but we've never had anything medically documented."
I'm so thankful that this is over the phone because at this point in time I feel myself turning as red as the sweatshirt I am now wearing. Why? I'm not sure, it's not me passing gas and stinking out my friends, but at this moment in time it might as well be. What am I supposed to say, "I fed him Chili two nights ago for dinner and watch out tomorrow because he had leftovers when he got home from school today"? I'm sure this is just as awkward for Mr. Ward, in fact he even mentioned that. He apologized and said he didn't want me to think he was saying I couldn't feed my child what I wanted but he just wanted to make sure there wasn't a medical problem he should be aware of. No, I just have a child who can cut the cheese and makes no apologies, or at least weak giggly ones.

So here it is, another parenting quandary, how do you teach manners on gaseous matters? I always make the kids say pardon me. Reasonable. However, I feel if they know it's coming they need to try and squeeze it in. And if it's at the dinner table then leave and come back - discreetly. So this is where maybe I'm getting a bit unreasonable. It's probably my own fault because with Vance and Keely I always make it into a joke just as I did with the older kids by saying with a tickle, "Someone has a rooty tooty in their booty." Maybe my lightheartedness as toddlers has led to flatulence with fanfare as adolescence. I admit that I personally would rather suffer a blow to the head then fart in public or with friends (I will confess as I age this gets harder and harder to do), but why should I? Does everyone not have bowel activity? Tooting isn't a sin, so that must mean that even Christ farted. I imagine he and the disciples being all men probably reacted a bit like Jace and his friends. Maybe my children have a healthy view of it, realizing that God made them and that they deserve a little release now and then. I just hope as maturity comes they are able to temper their vapors with some appropriateness and not go to the opposite extreme like their mother who rarely allows this so-called indiscretion. A mom who for this moment is not ready to move ahead with her walk with Christ in this area and will continue to fart like a Pharisee.


Anonymous said...

omg! that is so funny!
I have made that same call home... lol
The student I had would make no apologies and he liked to announce the coming 'event' so we could all prepare...
We did settle down the outbursts but not the reason for the outburst lol
Good Luck!
I remember our second grade photo.. I was standing by you and you let one go... I hate to remind you of that... hahahaha

okay so just kidding on that last part.

Tonya said...

I am so sending people to read this post. You are HILARIOUS! Most boys Jace's age are thrilled with this whole thing!

On a side note, you could probably try giving him probiotics (acidophilus). Might help. Or ginger tea, or peppermints.

Or you could just embrace the whole thing and feed him beans every night!

Anonymous said...

That's disgusting...not what he did but that you would say that about Jesus. I think you could have picked a better word!

Danny Simon said...

Ms. Berge - Though I believe I understand your reasons for your latest post I must say as a friend and fan that you should never, as a writer, have to justify your words to anyone. Especially to the full-on idiot (and coward for using "Anonymous" - henceforth referenced to as "it") that posted on this entry. This knuckle-dragger obviously could not see past its protruding frontal brow that you were obviously writing in jest to convey what you went through. I applaud your post and look forward to more in the same vein. If the coward rears its ugly head again don't waste your time even reading the electrons on your screen.

Jason, as himself said...

Hi there! Thanks for commenting on my blog today. I've been reading some of your posts and I love what I have read. Good stuff. See you around!