Friday, March 5, 2010

I Quit!

I Quit!  I hate homeschooling!  I hate the time it takes from my day.  I hate how hard it is to motivate my kids.  I hate how far behind I am with life.  I hate how hard this is.  I hate how my children don't seem to get it.  And I hate how I feel inside when they don't.  I hate the tiny Erica inside of me that is screaming curse words and hurtful things at her children.  I hate it.  I'm done!

That was the post I began yesterday.  I never finished it because other, "more important", things came up.  At this moment I can't even remember what they were but I'm sure I wasn't pleased.  It was a bad day yesterday.  A day where I wanted to climb back in bed and go to sleep and wake up a better person.  Unfortunately, life doesn't go that way, especially when you have kids.  I sulked. I barked. I was mean.  And even though I never said those things I was screaming on the inside, I'm sure my face said it all.  Poor children from my womb...I can be such a beast - a big hairy, ugly, smelly beast.  Yet they seemed oblivious.  They still danced around, climbed on my lap, and clambered up to give me a kiss.  I guess they didn't realize that they aren't invited to my pity parties.  Yet even their party crashing didn't change me, I still seethed.

It wasn't until later when I was speaking to another homeschooling mom that I was encouraged.  She told me the same things other moms had been telling me for months - try block learning.   (Block learning is where you just do all the required weekly lessons for a particular subject in one day).  This method of teaching sounds appealing to me, but I have also been told that certain subjects should be taught every day.  So, I chimed in that I couldn't do it because I was told Math and Spelling should be done everyday.  Her reply gave me tremendous hope.  She said, "You are homeschooling, Erica.  You do whatever works for you."  Why at that moment the clouds parted, I'm not sure.  I haven't even tried it yet, but I didn't dread starting the day as much.  I think it might actually work for me - for us.  I spoke with the kids about it today and they seemed excited too.  So on Monday we start our new schedule, maybe homeschooling attempt #547 will work.  Fingers are crossed and instead of quitting...I'm pushing on!


Annette W. said... didn't quit.

I know my TWO (tiny family compared to yours) make me pull hairs and dream of going back to bed many days...especially recently...and I am not trying to homeschool too.

Keep talking to other HS moms till you find what works.

Thoughts of "FAITH" said...

Sis I admire you greatly. love ya

Riahli said...

I've heard of teaching in blocks and have always thought it sounded like a great way to go. I'd love to hear more about how it works for you all. I admire your honesty with the homeschooling. I want to homeschool my kids, I was homeschooled myself, but there are days when I question already whether I have it in me or not. I guess I'll find out when I get there... :)

Tonya said...

I quit the other day too - although it had nothing to do with my kids and everything to do with homeschool pressure. YOU are the teacher, YOU determine how/when/what they learn. I so wish we lived near each other. You would be very surprised at how little formal schooling my kids do. I'm leaning toward an unschooling/delight directed/Charlotte Mason school. Abigail is HIGHLY motivated to do her work and finish stuff off. I let her work at her own pace. She's finished a couple subjects, just so she can say she's done!!!

Oh, and one of the hardest parts of homeschooling, for me, is my own sin. I really hate seeing it and being reminded of it constantly. Ya know?