Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Devil Vs. Angel

I really need to be more consistent with my posts.  Every time I write it's always the same ole thing; the same old "back again" story.  Well my hope is that this post will be the start of a new more regimented me.  I have decided today that I need to do this. I need to write.  The plane is going down and I am trying to put the oxygen masks on everyone else first.  This is my attempt to get some of number eight on the Periodic Table for myself, this is me breathing some oxygen...

Sometime right before Vance's second birthday, he became incorrigible and has figuratively left me curled in a ball on the floor weeping.  What do I do with this little man?  Discipline is not working.  What happened to my sweet little baby boy? The one who loved to snuggle on the couch that smiled and cooed at my mere presence and laughed at every funny face made by his siblings.  Someone has replaced my sweet angelic offspring with Lucifer's.

Vance is a one man wrecking team.  He dumps out bins of toys, buckets of dog food, glasses of water, cupboards of dishes just to hear them hit the floor.  He pulls Ryleigh and Keely's hair until they scream, has scarred their faces, and literally kicks them while they are down.  Just for fun he pushes the dog off the couch when she is sleeping and kicks her when she isn't looking. Like a shotputter he chucks rocks and other weighted objects at mirrors, glass doors, and faces.  Like an inked graffiti artist he writes on his body, on the wall, on the furniture, and our hearth for his pleasure .  He empties glue bottles onto our carpets, spits his food and water on the floor.  Throws food across the room, whether it be hot dogs or yogurt.  He takes his diaper off as soon as he pees or poops and runs leaving the rest of us screaming following his trail of turds.  During baths, he purposefully stands to pee, spraying whatever and whomever is near.  Whenever he pleases, he disrobes in public and strangers hand me the clothing he has discarded.  His play constitutes one object eating another, roaring at one another, and stomping on each others heads; even if he's playing with Barbies.  He sets nothing down but passes it to the floor like a basketball to a teammate.  He screeches a shrill my-ears-are-bleeding scream that induce migraine-like headaches immediately.  He seeks out bugs to step on and squish, not at all concerned whether they are lady bugs or darkling beetles.  He wads toilet paper in the sink and leaves it running to overflow all over the bathroom floor.  Dennis the Menace has nothing on Vance.  He growls, he yells "no", he asks "why" to every request and every demand.  He shoves things that are too big into holes that are too small and likes to house miscellaneous objects in our VCR and DVD players.  He picks his nose, laughs at farts, and wants to "see" all things gross.  He runs like a linebacker knocking over whatever is in his path; like a miniature Chris Farley, breaking things just by turning around.  Not only does he jump on the furniture, he jumps from one piece to another like he's playing a game of Frogger.  He doesn't sleep anymore but wakes up and crawls in our bed kicking us, hitting us and one night he even tried to sleep on my head. 

Then just when I think Dobson would throw up his hands and say, "I'm baffled", Sadie enters a room and regardless of what he is doing, he comes over, kisses her on the forehead and says in a sweet kind whisper, "Hi Sadie".  And for a moment I see a glimpse of my sweet boy angel.

7 comments:

Riahli said...

This to shall pass....I tell myself that maybe a million plus times a day on the rough days(weeks, months). :)

I look forward to you posting more, it's good to take the time for some creative writing or just plain venting!

Thoughts of "FAITH" said...

He sounds like a typical boy to me, one of mine in particular : ) Now I see why my boys just love him so much. They still talk about him from their trip out there. They just think he is hilarious. but don't they all. Boys will be boys.

Malty Mama said...

ohhhhh BOY. I guess this is what I'm in for, eh? Sounds like he's big into cause and effect. Or destruction and aftermath in his case. I cross my fingers for you. and toes and legs and arms and eyes.

Rebecca said...

I would think you were taking some writing liberties if I hadn't seen this force of nature in action. But he's won us over, mostly by playing papa Vance to Estee. Loved that description. Oh, and while you're taking the liberty of breathing, guess you should update your photo and header line to include little Sadie. :)

Tonya said...

The "joy" of boys. Who made that line up? Maybe the destruction of boys, the testosterone of boys, the rough and tumble play of boys. :-) Actually, I guess in all that there is joy as well.

I find I am lots less tolerant of any misbehavior by my fifth child than I was by the others. No patience for it. If Liza screams or throws a temper tantrum or does anything wrong, she's in her crib. Granted, she's an easy going little girl, so MUCH easier to correct and get a response. We always have Josiah to remind us how little we know as parents in this house. :-)

Tonya said...

OH, and it's been 12 days since you posted this. Ignore Mr. Destructo for a few minutes and write again already! :-)

Thoughts of "FAITH" said...

Comment from mom under my account.
She says she can vouch for everything you said. He's like that little cartoon angel that's into everything ( can't think of his name)