Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Cracking Up

I no longer care. I have reached the point of being so fed up, that I no longer give a darn what others think, and with that decision I will be half-mooning everyone at least until the end of my pregnancy... possibly longer.

In every pregnancy there is a time when non-maternity pants are too tight and all the maternity pants are too large and fall down - constantly. I am there and not happy about it. I guess I really can't even blame the pregnancy/maternity thing since I have been guilty of "showing the end of the butt crack," as Brynna says, on more than one occasion when I'm not knocked up, but the problem has escalated and is hampering my life. I now walk over things I would normally bend over to pick up and put away. I hate to do the laundry since my front loading washer and dryer require me to squat to swap loads. Playing with the kids on the floor is a guarantee of crackage and while changing a diaper the other day, Keely dropped a penny down my pants; most likely because of her father constantly calling it a coin slot. These are the main reasons why I have decided that baring my back side has become a necessity. Why I am going to integrate it into everyday life so that my kids believe it is the norm. I have decided who cares, it's a butt, we all have one and instead of standing erect all day and bending at the waist with one leg jutting back to help keep my pants in position I am going to show my assets. No longer will I squeeze into a too tight pair of non-butt-showing, non-maternity pants, that mark my abdomen with with bright red indentations. And I won't settle for unflattering sweat pants everyday that make my rear look as if it is two feet tall just so I can make it through the daily chores. No I'm going to wear the maternity pants and I am going to plumber-ize my life without regret. My derriere is going to see the sun. If those women who sport and show their thongs like an accessory are viewed by some as sexy, how much sexier will it be when there isn't a thong to distract the view, because my cotton panties have slid down as well? I realize that this is a bit of a stretch but I am done with yanking my pants up or pulling my shirt down. Sick of the jean designers making pants that won't stay where they belong. Upset at the movement to dorkify "mom jeans," the pants that guarantee no display of buttocks.

So for at least the next five months my posterior may be slightly viewable. If you take offense look away, if it ends our friendship I'm sorry, but I will no longer allow material to ruin my day, I will not become a slave to the yank and pull. Realize I mean no disrespect, but I am frustrated, tired of worrying, at the end of my rope, ready to live life...ready to crack up.

Note: This picture is NOT me, but I wanted to allow you to see what you will be experiencing if you decide to still be my friend.

13 comments:

Annette said...

You are so funny!

Since you're at 20 weeks will you learn the sex of the babe? We didn't with our kids, but love to know what others are having!

Tonya said...

Have you ever considered wearing really long shirts? :-)

I think my crack is showing right now, as I type this - and my shirt is sort of long. It just rides up in the back when I sit down.

Can you make a funny t-shirt out of this?

This reminded me of something. My sister's name is Dawn. When she was first married my brother liked to ask her husband, "What's it like waking up at the crack of Dawn?" Rude, isn't he?

Life by the Handful said...

When I wear long shirts I shouldn't even wear pants, because I let the pants ride so far down. I'm like a gangsta without the boxers. I've even done the belly bands, but they just ride up while the pants fall down. :(

Berta said...

This is too funny, with weight gain and loss this happens way more than we want...I usually opt for skirts..I know, I know, trust me the longer the better, just grab a potato sack and be done lol

Tonya said...

Oh Oh! You could just wear dresses w/ shorts underneath (cause I'm thinkin you're like me - modesty in a skirt is NOT easy). I did opt for skirts last year while pregnant in the summer. Old Navy had these cotton skirts, not maternity, that had a "roll" top?? thing. They fit under my belly nicely and were comfy. Gave them all away the minute I was done being pregnant. Sort of wishing I hadn't though, they were comfy!!!

Angie said...

I do remember that problem well. :)

Thanks for visiting my blog. Annette is my cousin. :)
Yes, my budboy has a blog. He hasn't posted anything in quite a while, but if he knows another kiddo is reading, he might want to.
We will have to check out your daughter's blog. I think it is really good writing experience for kids.

Anonymous said...

Just was checking to see if you have written anything. I am glad you have. I really enjoy reading them and I feel close to you and not so far away. You are a great writer. Love ya@

homemakerchronicles said...

Amen sista! Bare that beautiful butt crack!
BTW...you'll be a GREAT homeschool mom. God gives grace to those who are willing and obedient. I think?...no, He does...

Anonymous said...

I personally love your crack:)

Kerin

Riahli said...

Oh my goodness this post cracked me up...he, he.

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

At least there is an end to this problem -- in about another 20 weeks!

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

O. M. G. !!!

SO glad you told me that wasn't you in the picture. I'm pretty certain your booty is better lookin' than that one ... , but please don't take that the wrong way...

anywho, actually real live laughed out loud!!!

Blessings!
Karin

It's All Good said...

you let the crack hang out, your right jeans these days are annoying! I'm not even pregnant but all my jeans are low rise (the high rise flattens my booty =( ) and my im also a victim of the yank and pull!

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!